My 11-year-old was suspended a few weeks ago, and I have been afraid to talk about it. Steam and cry and scream and throw things, sure, but talk?
My son has Aspergers. Don't let that scare you. It just means he doesn't understand you either. He is gifted, makes mostly A's, and comes home jumping up and down because, and I quote, "Order of Operations is SO COOL!" I disagree, but that is not the point right now. He loves classical music and takes piano lessons. Recently, my boy made the newspaper for achieving 1st place in a county-wide speech contest representing his elementary school.
Sounds like a deviant already, right?
So his class was assigned a group project in which my son, always the last man out because he's "different" (another bad word around here), ended up going with a group of three girls whom he has had altercations with before. They have teased him, stolen his juice at lunch, etc. Typical bratty 5th grade girls, but to C.E., that is enough to send him into major meltdown mode. He got a talking to from the vice-principal for that. Emotional meltdowns due to bullying mean you are a bad kid.
One of the girls decided to be the boss and told them all how they were going to make a coffee pot together (the group assignment was about cooperation, after all). C.E. was ordered to be the pot, another girl was instructed to execute a back-bend and C.E. was told to pour the coffee onto the "table"? As he tipped, the trajectory of his hand did also, and he ended up inches from just below her waist. He did not touch her. In fact, as soon as he noticed where he had been tipping, he jerked his hand away embarrassed. The girls giggled and taking the social cue from them, he thought all was okay. The teacher saw nothing and the class continued.
The next day went on as normal.
TWO days later, I received a call from the principal that C.E. had made a poor choice and had "pretended to inappropriately touch a girl..." 1. C.E. does not pretend, 2. He has no interest in girls, 3. He gets nervous in groups, 4. The word "pretend" implies intent; there was none, 5. C.E. was never given the chance to explain, 6. The teacher never saw it, 7. C.E. had never been in this type of trouble before. All of these points we pointed out to the principal, but she refused to lift the suspension or consider alternatives.
The suspension was effected on Friday, so we had a tough weekend. We had to explain to C.E. why he was suspended and what it meant, and we had no answers when he asked why he was suspended because he did not do what they said he did. He refused to sleep in his bed because he said he did not deserve a bed, he said he should be in jail if he is so bad, and he shouldn't be in this world anymore.
On Monday afternoon, we were called in to see the principal again who refused to discuss it again. She showed us the behavior plan she was implementing for my son which detailed other "sexually perverse" behaviors such as rocking back and forth in line or waiting against a wall. These are Autistic traits and while I see how they could be taken in the wrong way, not once has a teacher or staff member corrected his troublesome action, despite listing "Social Skill Instruction" 11 times in his IEP! Instead, they place him in an Inclusion classroom so he can be better monitored and tell us if they happen again, he could be charged with sexual battery.
If you knew my kid, this would be laughable except that the accusation is evil and disgusting.
When a classmate told the rest of the class that C.E. was "gay," that child had to sign a paper about why it was bad.
When two 5th grade girls told my Kindergartner about oral sex a few years ago, I was apparently mistaken because the girls I mentioned were good girls and they just wouldn't do that.
Yes my son, who did not do anything, goes straight to suspension?
I am angry and sad. C.E. has enough trouble making friends and now they have labelled him as a pervert because God forbid they should actually address his disability! He tried to participate in a group, a difficult task for him, and he was punished for it. He used to love school, now every morning we battle to get up and go, and I ache because I have to send him to a place where I feel he is mistreated.
So now I've talked about it. I still feel like crying and throwing things. I'm still going to fight because my child is not the only one whose autism is misunderstood and who is punished for a neurological condition he cannot help. I don't know that I will get anywhere; but it won't be because I haven't tried, and certainly won't be because I have given up.
Firstly I am saddened to tears reading your story. It is absolutely disgusting how he has been treated. Secondly, I am parent to an autistic 12yo son, who also gets straight A's at school, yet sufferes from similar social deficits. Plain and simple, the reality of the situation is metaphoric. If you want to be a good christian, be familiar with the bible. If you want to be a good advocate for your childs rights, read the IDEA and State Education Code. Once you start speaking in legal-ese. The schools will treat you different. Your IEP's will still be adversarial if you stand up for yourself, but if you point out sections of law rather than saying I think blah blah, you will be treated differently and get better results from the school. If they are going to suspend your child, ask for an emergency IEP meeting. Do not ask for but demand certain services for him to not face this type of event ever again, and to be able to emotionally recover from the event. When they say no to all the new services you ask for, politely but actually say "o.k., but when can I expect a written denial based on what assessments and events lead you to your conclusion these services are not necessary, so I can give it to my attorney." The school will leave you alone after that. Why, because even if they are exactly correct in their points of law, their attorney will charge them to defend any alligations. This is more expensive than actually giving what you need, and though they won't tell you so, they absolutely know it's true. It's sad you must go to such lengths to get what is fair, but the old addage stand true. Only the squeaky wheel gets the grease. In example I know a parent of a severely disabled child who only gets one hour a month in speech therapy only during the regular school year. This parent always says please and thank you believing you can win them over with flatery to get them to do the right thing by being a "friend." This is definately not what I have experienced to be true. Hope it all worked out for you.
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