Today I received an email from Connor's teacher saying that he was having a rough day and did something happen at home?
At home? No, but school has been stressing him out, did she not realize this? No? I could have sworn it had come up at some point in the last two months. Oh, well, Surprise!
So I went to the school and asked to speak to him. I knew he was on the verge of a meltdown. He came to the office with the Special Ed teacher, his eyes wide and vacant. He wouldn't speak. I tried taking him out of the office and finally got him to talk a bit. Then the tears began to roll down his cheeks.
Eventually, I was able to get some information from him, enough that we went back to the office to chat with the Sped teacher. We went to the conference room. Connor paced around the large wooden table, eventually settling into the chair at the head of the table. Finally, a weak smile. We were getting somewhere.
"Connor, what's wrong?" "I don't want to be here."
"Connor, why did you throw your binder across the room?" "I was frustrated."
"Connor, why were you frustrated?" "I don't know."
"Connor, what happened that made you frustrated?" "She's mad at me."
"Who is mad at you?" "My teacher."
"Why is she mad at you?" "I don't know."
"Why do you think she is mad at you?" "She raised her voice."
Digging up this much information took half an hour. Eventually, Connor opened up about his fear of being suspended again, being bored in class, trying to read when the whole class was talking, etc. His sped teacher explained they were working on higher-end activities for him to keep him from being as bored. I asked why this was not done already (Guess what? It's in his IEP that he should be getting it.) and she said because they had not realized Connor was this frustrated about it. So it takes my son throwing things and screaming and crying before we realize he really might need some help? I warned them yesterday that he was struggling to keep his composure, but I guess they thought I was joking. I know, I know, why does anything surprise me with this?
We also discussed Connor's stimming, and the Functional Behavioral Assessment person is assisting them with a more effective goal checklist and reward system. Hopefully that means her assessment will be on target. And, I managed to get her to agree to find a more appropriate way for him to vent frustration before it gets to the level it did today. We will see.
Finally, we convinced him that we had plans in place to help with boredom and frustration. Connor stopped crying and I managed to get a small laugh out of him. (He said he can't go back to class. I told him "can't" is a bad word. He said, "I can not go back to class.) At this point, I knew we had him back. After a little more resistance, we finally got him to return to class (an hour later).
As I was leaving, the principal had the nerve to ask me if he was feeling better. I had my littlest kid with me as she was sick from school today which may have just saved me from telling the principal where she could stick her phony compassion.
When we got home, I received a call from the judge who will be mediating our case. Everything that is discussed in mediation is confidential, so I may not get to share juicy details. Hopefully we can resolve this here, and we do have an advocate going to assist us. Otherwise, it's off to court we go.
Right now, though, I just hope Connor's day got better.
Showing posts with label Suspension. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Suspension. Show all posts
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
IEP Saga Continued
Well, today I turned in the request for Mediation, which is apparently the next step when the IEP meeting fails, as well as paperwork for a Functional Behavior Analysis. In addition, I picked up my son's records that I had requested. At 15 cents per page, I only paid $4.80 and that meant some things had to be missing.
Going through the paperwork, I found all of his academic records. I found his suspension information. What I didn't find-besides my correct maiden name-was anything having to do with his special education needs: no principal's behavior plan which has been implemented, no refute of the suspension that we requested go into the files, no IEP, no testing evaluations which were conducted to determine IEP eligibility, no letter from my son's psychiatrist stating that he has autism. I do, however, have extra copies of his social security card and birth certificate, so it wasn't a total loss.
All correspondences with the principal go unanswered. My son was moved out of his regular classroom to get him away from a classmate, yet they have PE together. He has been left to fend for himself while educators turn a blind eye. To give her credit, my son's new classroom teacher has been super supportive and when I told her of my concerns, she arranged for him to take PE with another class. Still not an ideal situation, but we only have a few months left in this school and I am picking my battles. God knows, I have enough to pick from.
And you know what really makes me twitch? I am not confrontational. I am not anti-school. But situations, especially when our kids are involved turn us into warriors. So here I am: Xena, Warrior Mom. I'm sure the school considers me a different kind of mother, but I've quit worrying about their opinion of me. I'd rather be on their good side, but being nice didn't work. I haven't even gone into these meetings confrontational, believe it or not.
I can't figure out if our school thinks we are stupid or if they truly believe in the way they are doing things. I cannot see any way they are in compliance with IDEA. My mother always said I could argue both sides of any situation, but I've got nothing here. I cannot see any reason not to comply with federal guidelines for an IEP or to punish a child for acting autistically without any form of correction before extreme punishment. While we have a lot of people, including educators on local, state, and federal levels, indignant on our behalf; most have said we won't win a fight with the school system. I'm not worried, and I'm not quitting. No one who ever accomplished change on a massive scale had it easy. I'm not that ambitious; I'm only trying to change one school system, not the world...yet.
Going through the paperwork, I found all of his academic records. I found his suspension information. What I didn't find-besides my correct maiden name-was anything having to do with his special education needs: no principal's behavior plan which has been implemented, no refute of the suspension that we requested go into the files, no IEP, no testing evaluations which were conducted to determine IEP eligibility, no letter from my son's psychiatrist stating that he has autism. I do, however, have extra copies of his social security card and birth certificate, so it wasn't a total loss.
All correspondences with the principal go unanswered. My son was moved out of his regular classroom to get him away from a classmate, yet they have PE together. He has been left to fend for himself while educators turn a blind eye. To give her credit, my son's new classroom teacher has been super supportive and when I told her of my concerns, she arranged for him to take PE with another class. Still not an ideal situation, but we only have a few months left in this school and I am picking my battles. God knows, I have enough to pick from.
And you know what really makes me twitch? I am not confrontational. I am not anti-school. But situations, especially when our kids are involved turn us into warriors. So here I am: Xena, Warrior Mom. I'm sure the school considers me a different kind of mother, but I've quit worrying about their opinion of me. I'd rather be on their good side, but being nice didn't work. I haven't even gone into these meetings confrontational, believe it or not.
I can't figure out if our school thinks we are stupid or if they truly believe in the way they are doing things. I cannot see any way they are in compliance with IDEA. My mother always said I could argue both sides of any situation, but I've got nothing here. I cannot see any reason not to comply with federal guidelines for an IEP or to punish a child for acting autistically without any form of correction before extreme punishment. While we have a lot of people, including educators on local, state, and federal levels, indignant on our behalf; most have said we won't win a fight with the school system. I'm not worried, and I'm not quitting. No one who ever accomplished change on a massive scale had it easy. I'm not that ambitious; I'm only trying to change one school system, not the world...yet.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Suspended for Being Autistic?
My 11-year-old was suspended a few weeks ago, and I have been afraid to talk about it. Steam and cry and scream and throw things, sure, but talk?
My son has Aspergers. Don't let that scare you. It just means he doesn't understand you either. He is gifted, makes mostly A's, and comes home jumping up and down because, and I quote, "Order of Operations is SO COOL!" I disagree, but that is not the point right now. He loves classical music and takes piano lessons. Recently, my boy made the newspaper for achieving 1st place in a county-wide speech contest representing his elementary school.
Sounds like a deviant already, right?
So his class was assigned a group project in which my son, always the last man out because he's "different" (another bad word around here), ended up going with a group of three girls whom he has had altercations with before. They have teased him, stolen his juice at lunch, etc. Typical bratty 5th grade girls, but to C.E., that is enough to send him into major meltdown mode. He got a talking to from the vice-principal for that. Emotional meltdowns due to bullying mean you are a bad kid.
One of the girls decided to be the boss and told them all how they were going to make a coffee pot together (the group assignment was about cooperation, after all). C.E. was ordered to be the pot, another girl was instructed to execute a back-bend and C.E. was told to pour the coffee onto the "table"? As he tipped, the trajectory of his hand did also, and he ended up inches from just below her waist. He did not touch her. In fact, as soon as he noticed where he had been tipping, he jerked his hand away embarrassed. The girls giggled and taking the social cue from them, he thought all was okay. The teacher saw nothing and the class continued.
The next day went on as normal.
TWO days later, I received a call from the principal that C.E. had made a poor choice and had "pretended to inappropriately touch a girl..." 1. C.E. does not pretend, 2. He has no interest in girls, 3. He gets nervous in groups, 4. The word "pretend" implies intent; there was none, 5. C.E. was never given the chance to explain, 6. The teacher never saw it, 7. C.E. had never been in this type of trouble before. All of these points we pointed out to the principal, but she refused to lift the suspension or consider alternatives.
The suspension was effected on Friday, so we had a tough weekend. We had to explain to C.E. why he was suspended and what it meant, and we had no answers when he asked why he was suspended because he did not do what they said he did. He refused to sleep in his bed because he said he did not deserve a bed, he said he should be in jail if he is so bad, and he shouldn't be in this world anymore.
On Monday afternoon, we were called in to see the principal again who refused to discuss it again. She showed us the behavior plan she was implementing for my son which detailed other "sexually perverse" behaviors such as rocking back and forth in line or waiting against a wall. These are Autistic traits and while I see how they could be taken in the wrong way, not once has a teacher or staff member corrected his troublesome action, despite listing "Social Skill Instruction" 11 times in his IEP! Instead, they place him in an Inclusion classroom so he can be better monitored and tell us if they happen again, he could be charged with sexual battery.
If you knew my kid, this would be laughable except that the accusation is evil and disgusting.
When a classmate told the rest of the class that C.E. was "gay," that child had to sign a paper about why it was bad.
When two 5th grade girls told my Kindergartner about oral sex a few years ago, I was apparently mistaken because the girls I mentioned were good girls and they just wouldn't do that.
Yes my son, who did not do anything, goes straight to suspension?
I am angry and sad. C.E. has enough trouble making friends and now they have labelled him as a pervert because God forbid they should actually address his disability! He tried to participate in a group, a difficult task for him, and he was punished for it. He used to love school, now every morning we battle to get up and go, and I ache because I have to send him to a place where I feel he is mistreated.
So now I've talked about it. I still feel like crying and throwing things. I'm still going to fight because my child is not the only one whose autism is misunderstood and who is punished for a neurological condition he cannot help. I don't know that I will get anywhere; but it won't be because I haven't tried, and certainly won't be because I have given up.
My son has Aspergers. Don't let that scare you. It just means he doesn't understand you either. He is gifted, makes mostly A's, and comes home jumping up and down because, and I quote, "Order of Operations is SO COOL!" I disagree, but that is not the point right now. He loves classical music and takes piano lessons. Recently, my boy made the newspaper for achieving 1st place in a county-wide speech contest representing his elementary school.
Sounds like a deviant already, right?
So his class was assigned a group project in which my son, always the last man out because he's "different" (another bad word around here), ended up going with a group of three girls whom he has had altercations with before. They have teased him, stolen his juice at lunch, etc. Typical bratty 5th grade girls, but to C.E., that is enough to send him into major meltdown mode. He got a talking to from the vice-principal for that. Emotional meltdowns due to bullying mean you are a bad kid.
One of the girls decided to be the boss and told them all how they were going to make a coffee pot together (the group assignment was about cooperation, after all). C.E. was ordered to be the pot, another girl was instructed to execute a back-bend and C.E. was told to pour the coffee onto the "table"? As he tipped, the trajectory of his hand did also, and he ended up inches from just below her waist. He did not touch her. In fact, as soon as he noticed where he had been tipping, he jerked his hand away embarrassed. The girls giggled and taking the social cue from them, he thought all was okay. The teacher saw nothing and the class continued.
The next day went on as normal.
TWO days later, I received a call from the principal that C.E. had made a poor choice and had "pretended to inappropriately touch a girl..." 1. C.E. does not pretend, 2. He has no interest in girls, 3. He gets nervous in groups, 4. The word "pretend" implies intent; there was none, 5. C.E. was never given the chance to explain, 6. The teacher never saw it, 7. C.E. had never been in this type of trouble before. All of these points we pointed out to the principal, but she refused to lift the suspension or consider alternatives.
The suspension was effected on Friday, so we had a tough weekend. We had to explain to C.E. why he was suspended and what it meant, and we had no answers when he asked why he was suspended because he did not do what they said he did. He refused to sleep in his bed because he said he did not deserve a bed, he said he should be in jail if he is so bad, and he shouldn't be in this world anymore.
On Monday afternoon, we were called in to see the principal again who refused to discuss it again. She showed us the behavior plan she was implementing for my son which detailed other "sexually perverse" behaviors such as rocking back and forth in line or waiting against a wall. These are Autistic traits and while I see how they could be taken in the wrong way, not once has a teacher or staff member corrected his troublesome action, despite listing "Social Skill Instruction" 11 times in his IEP! Instead, they place him in an Inclusion classroom so he can be better monitored and tell us if they happen again, he could be charged with sexual battery.
If you knew my kid, this would be laughable except that the accusation is evil and disgusting.
When a classmate told the rest of the class that C.E. was "gay," that child had to sign a paper about why it was bad.
When two 5th grade girls told my Kindergartner about oral sex a few years ago, I was apparently mistaken because the girls I mentioned were good girls and they just wouldn't do that.
Yes my son, who did not do anything, goes straight to suspension?
I am angry and sad. C.E. has enough trouble making friends and now they have labelled him as a pervert because God forbid they should actually address his disability! He tried to participate in a group, a difficult task for him, and he was punished for it. He used to love school, now every morning we battle to get up and go, and I ache because I have to send him to a place where I feel he is mistreated.
So now I've talked about it. I still feel like crying and throwing things. I'm still going to fight because my child is not the only one whose autism is misunderstood and who is punished for a neurological condition he cannot help. I don't know that I will get anywhere; but it won't be because I haven't tried, and certainly won't be because I have given up.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Kids Gone Wild!
Kids today!
This week, two six-year-olds were suspended for using their fingers as guns while playing at recess. That sounds dangerous! I used to do that as a kid. I guess I am lucky I turned out okay. I don't even like guns. How weird! I got my adversaries every time; I was a good shot! I can't believe I'm not running the NRA by now.
A little boy in elementary school was suspended for three days for singing the song, "I'm sexy and I know it" to another little girl. When I was in Kindergarten, I kissed a boy in the cardboard train and all I got was a scolding and my M&M's taken away. I'm sure glad I didn't sing to him or I might have been in bigger trouble.
Another elementary student was suspended for two days for saying his teacher was "cute." Well, that was certainly out of line!
In another case, a seven-year-old kicked a bully in the groin when that bully had tried to choke him. He was suspended for sexual harassment. Good! Glad we have our priorities straight. I'd hate to think those Zero Tolerance Bullying Policies weren't effective.
And another--an Autistic boy was suspended for two days for coming too close to a female classmate. Good thing he didn't actually touch her or he might have been arrested.
When my daughter was in Kindergarten, two fifth-grade girls taught her about oral sex. I called the principal and was told that they were good girls, and that either my daughter or I was mistaken. No double standard there!
As you can see, our elementary school kids are out of control! From pretending, to singing, to being in proximity, to defending themselves, these kids just don't have their heads on straight! Where are their parents?
The list goes on. I could whine all day and not cover every ridiculous incident out there, and the numbers are growing.
Seriously, why are we attributing sexual urges and responses to children who don't even know what the word "sexual" means? How does it make sense to punish these children by kicking them out of school when we should be using these moments as teaching opportunities for the school, students, and parents? Oh my God! Did I just say we should teach kids in schools? I digress....
Don't misunderstand, sexual harassment is nothing to joke about, but neither is falsely accusing a child who has no grounds for defense nor intent to harm. We need to find some common sense--some perspective. Teach our kids what is a good touch and what is a bad touch, what is a good look and what is a bad look, etc. Parents need to stop inventing reasons to damage an innocent child's school record and self-esteem by irresponsibly accusing classmates. And elementary schools, if you are going to suspend students for defending themselves, or for looking at someone the wrong way, or pretending, then come up with a legitimate, effective policy or God forbid, teach them.
This week, two six-year-olds were suspended for using their fingers as guns while playing at recess. That sounds dangerous! I used to do that as a kid. I guess I am lucky I turned out okay. I don't even like guns. How weird! I got my adversaries every time; I was a good shot! I can't believe I'm not running the NRA by now.
A little boy in elementary school was suspended for three days for singing the song, "I'm sexy and I know it" to another little girl. When I was in Kindergarten, I kissed a boy in the cardboard train and all I got was a scolding and my M&M's taken away. I'm sure glad I didn't sing to him or I might have been in bigger trouble.
Another elementary student was suspended for two days for saying his teacher was "cute." Well, that was certainly out of line!
In another case, a seven-year-old kicked a bully in the groin when that bully had tried to choke him. He was suspended for sexual harassment. Good! Glad we have our priorities straight. I'd hate to think those Zero Tolerance Bullying Policies weren't effective.
And another--an Autistic boy was suspended for two days for coming too close to a female classmate. Good thing he didn't actually touch her or he might have been arrested.
When my daughter was in Kindergarten, two fifth-grade girls taught her about oral sex. I called the principal and was told that they were good girls, and that either my daughter or I was mistaken. No double standard there!
As you can see, our elementary school kids are out of control! From pretending, to singing, to being in proximity, to defending themselves, these kids just don't have their heads on straight! Where are their parents?
The list goes on. I could whine all day and not cover every ridiculous incident out there, and the numbers are growing.
Seriously, why are we attributing sexual urges and responses to children who don't even know what the word "sexual" means? How does it make sense to punish these children by kicking them out of school when we should be using these moments as teaching opportunities for the school, students, and parents? Oh my God! Did I just say we should teach kids in schools? I digress....
Don't misunderstand, sexual harassment is nothing to joke about, but neither is falsely accusing a child who has no grounds for defense nor intent to harm. We need to find some common sense--some perspective. Teach our kids what is a good touch and what is a bad touch, what is a good look and what is a bad look, etc. Parents need to stop inventing reasons to damage an innocent child's school record and self-esteem by irresponsibly accusing classmates. And elementary schools, if you are going to suspend students for defending themselves, or for looking at someone the wrong way, or pretending, then come up with a legitimate, effective policy or God forbid, teach them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)